I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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