and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
