He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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