get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
