Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
