We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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