So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
