Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
