watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
barbara walters just said penis...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
