direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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