Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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