i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
