it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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