talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
