2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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