I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
