I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
