There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I just sharted jello shots
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