So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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