so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
