she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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