So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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