I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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