Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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