Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
