My liver just broke up with me...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
