im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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