I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
