Umm I'm too high to move.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
