i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
