Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
