textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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