Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
