he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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