apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
