the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
