We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
