i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
