That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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