all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
