One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
