Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
