im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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