I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
