I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
