so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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