i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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