Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
