i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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