he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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