i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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