There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
