Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
