She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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