? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
