Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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